SHREVEPORT, LA – It’s almost summertime, and business is booming at the Shreveport Aquarium. However, one group of Animal Rights Activists aren’t too happy with the way the marine life is supposedly being treated there. Crayfish was on the scene today during one of the heated protests.
“The Big Bang didn’t intend for crawfish to be ridden like a jet ski,” said a livid 25 year old Blanchard resident, Haylee Peterson, as she took a break from shouting “All crawfish matter!” over and over again with her fellow activists. Of course, Haylee was talking about Shreveport Aquarium’s main attraction, the only 5,000 pound trained crawfish in captivity, Shameaux. Since the aquarium opened in 2017, people from different Parishes all around the world have flocked to Shreveport to witness this great phenomenon for themselves. Shameaux was genetically engineered by Shreveport Sci-Port scientists to reach an astronomical size. This was accomplished by a strict diet, feeding Shameaux only Sweep the Swamp pizza from Johnny’s for several years.
If the animal rights activists get their way, this could be the end of the Shreveport Aquarium and the Shameaux Sheaux as we know it. To make matters worse for the city of Shreveport, Shameaux isn’t the only wildlife the activists want freed. Other money making attractions at the aquarium are also in jeopardy, such as Water Moccasin Charming, Mosquito Skeet’er Shooting Competitions, and the popular singing and guitar playing fish, Gar Brooks.