Ruff the River Monster Opening Medicinal Marijuana Dispensary

Dax LaCray Business Leave a Comment

SHREVEPORT, LA. – Less than a year since the lovable LSUS mascot Ruff the River Monster stole our hearts, the anthropomorphic kudzu creature is once again making headlines.

Standing in front of a crowd and local media members, Ruff gesticulated wildly in front of a banner with the words “Ruff’s Nuggz” scrawled across it. “We don’t know what you’re saying, are you having a stroke,” one reporter could be heard asking, seemingly unaware that Shreveport river monsters do not have vocal cords – a common fact many Shreveporters understood since the reign of the Swamp Dragon.

“Ruff is an entrepreneur first, a river monster second, and most importantly a prolific lover and friend. Being that Ruff is a plant himself, this is a venture he is very passionate about. No one is better suited for this,” says Ruff’s spokesperson Katie Jennings as Ruff dabbed wildly behind her. “Medicinal marijuana is going to take off in Shreveport several years after the rest of the country legalizes it. We will have to live with easing our pain by buying Bicardi 151 at the drive-thru until we have solved the moral quandary of cannabis use.”

The dispensary will be legally restricted to medicinal use only, but that hasn’t kept Ruff from developing some new, local strains. During a 4 hour PowerPoint presentation, Ruff showcased several unique strains that included:

  • Ratchet City Reefer
  • Cooper Road Kush
  • Smoke a Indica-pendence Bowl
  • Broadmoor Broccoli
  • Allendale Asparagus
  • High-land Hydro

The dispensary is set to open some time in early 2019. We will keep you up-to-date on when and where Ruff’s Nuggz is coming to Shreveport. Stay tuned!