SHREVEPORT, La. – Earlier in the week, Shreveport was chosen to host Miss USA, a return to the mid-to-late 90’s glory days of Shreveport pageantry. But the announcement was seemingly premature and the plans have been scrapped. Many fans had already planned on attending the event and the outlook was hopeful. “At Comic Con last year, I scratched one off my bucket list by sleeping with Joey Fatone. Now, I’ve got Nick Lachey in my cross hairs. That’ll be two of my boy band crushes in a 12 month period. 15 year old me would be so proud of this accomplishment. Never give up on your dreams, kids,” says Shreveport paralegal Stacey Vaughn.
However, Vaughn’s dream of sleeping with early 2000’s boy band members has been put on hold after an oversight led to both the Mudbugs and the Miss USA competition being booked on the same day. “Oh my gah, these hockey freaks won’t just go someplace else. We told them they could have the old skating rink off Jewella all to themselves for the day, but they won’t do it,” says event planner and 5th runner up in the Miss Caddo Parish competition Julie Kilgore says.
“You know, my guys are out here busting their humps and that, only for the city to go out and bring in some pretty girls in and take our practice time. We are trying to win a friggin’ cup for you guys, laying it on the line so we can take our own gals to La Madeline. We practice year ’round. Where’s the love, eh,” asks Mudbugs Coach Gord Desjardins. “You guys got us bouncing around from the copper building to the other one by the river so much I can’t think straight and all that. This wouldn’t fly in Montreal. What’s next guys? Where can we practice if those girls get to come in and prance on George’s Pond in their bikinis? This ice is sacred for crying out loud – many a Mudbug have bled on this ice. Does Frisco need a team, because we are getting a bum deal here, ya know. Heck, me and the boys would probably rather be in Toronto for chrissakes.”
Officials took the conflict to heart and determined the best course of action was to simply withdraw as the pageant’s host. “Yeah, that’s our bad. We forgot about them. Hopefully, everyone understands. Go Mudbugs,” says one city official.
Stacey Vaughn’s previous excitement is now an overwhelming disappointment, but she’s trying to stay positive. “I was going for the boy band hat trick, but now I’m not sure I’ll ever get the chance. I’ll probably just adjust and go after the local meteorologists or food truck drivers.”